dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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