It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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