why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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