I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
