you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
