I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
