i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
