You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
