Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
