Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
