And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
