Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
