How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
