I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
