She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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