I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
