kristin has been a bad kristin
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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