why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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