your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
