I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
