im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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