All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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