i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
