I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
