Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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