Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
