Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and she was petting her beer can
two words: eviction party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize