I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
