i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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