margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
