So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
