I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
