She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
