im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
