Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize