Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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