haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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