Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
