I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
