Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
