well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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