is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
