I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The Olympian is in my bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
