I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
