matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I touched a dick in church today
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
