I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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