That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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