I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize