I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
