There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
