I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
