mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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