Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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