I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
