CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
