1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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