You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
