You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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