I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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