I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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