Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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