Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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