Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
