So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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