Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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