FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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