PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize