Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
