There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
